Perfectly Flawed

  Well, well, well, I’ve reappeared - for a second at least.   It’s been a while since I last shared something with you all, in the same (approximate) time frame, Taylor Swift has released TWO albums - crazy, I know. It seems crazier than it really is, she’s just incredibly hardworking, and understandably, she’s had a whole year to do nothing, other than make music, so it makes perfect sense really.  Speaking of ‘perfect sense’, it’s coming up to the one year anniversary of my blog. I started Perfectly Flawed on January 1st of 2020, full of optimism, excitement, but most importantly - a story to tell. A story that took some courage to bring to the surface, but even more courage to share it with the world, or my friends list on Facebook. Regardless, it’s out there, and it’s not only provided immense relief in my mind, but it has touched some of you in ways I never knew my writing was able to.  In sharing my story with you all, I have learned so much about myself,...

Isn’t it scary how you feel your most vulnerable when opening up your heart, or allowing the heavens of your mind to open up and pour down your cheek? It’s quite terrifying to tell someone how we feel, but it’s only human, yet for some reason, it can sometimes feel wrong and almost out of character, especially for those who try to paint this picture perfect image, or for those who have too much pride?  I find it interesting how as humans, we can put up the most powerful and deceitful fronts, to just go home to our reality and crumble at a single thought. We’ve all been in the position where we’ve bottled up more than enough, and we take it out in many different forms; crying, screaming, hitting, self-harming, the list is endless. The worst thing about this vulnerability we show when we’re feeling the way we do, is the stigma and self judgement associated with it.  I’m not sure if I speak only for myself when I say this, but when I cry, there’s that underlying feeling ...

“Hopeless.”  If you asked me how I felt right now, that would probably be my response. Well, it’s what I’d be thinking anyway, my outward response would obviously be “i’m fine”. Being the sociable beings that we are, I think were conditioned to hide how we truly feel, not only to avoid the question and worry, but more fearfully, to avoid the stigma of actually speaking out about how we truly feel.  Well, I don’t know about you reading this, but I am so tired of pretending to be “fine”. What even is fine anymore? There’s no such thing, and we have to accept that not being okay, IS OKAY. We must come to terms with the fact that life will never be smooth sailing, nor will it always be a pleasant experience. You will grow, you will learn, you will have your heart break, you will fail exams, you will sometimes be your own biggest enemy, you will fall out with friends, fall out with family, you will lose the ones you love, and you will lose yourself more times than you can ...

Well, it’s finally here; the final part, long awaited I’m sure. Slight mental breakdown, hence the long wait. This post is most important to me because I get to acknowledge my growth, and my excitement for the future, particularly the changes yet to come.  We often become trapped in the mindset that every decision we make is the be all, or end all. This mindset is particularly prominent in those who experience anxiety. Worrying about your future is one thing, having anxiety on top of this is a whole new kettle of fish. For a long while, I gave up on any idea of having a successful future. I looked around, I saw those close to me achieving their goals, making their moves, and working towards the person they aspire to be. I would then evaluate my reality and notice there was a vast difference. At the time, I was nothing but a uni dropout with immense potential, but no plan. This had me thinking hard about what I wanted to do, and where I see myself in a few years down ...

For me, this post is the most important of all 3 so far. Throughout the first half of this series, you got to know my struggles with depression and anxiety on a deeper, more vulnerable level, compared to what I’ve shared before on my blog. However, this post delves into everything that helped me to get to where I am today, and all of the things I’ve tried/tested to find out what was best for me. When the struggle with my mental illness became all too much, I reached out to a handful of friends and family. Reaching out was the first, hardest step I had to take. There comes a point where the internal battle becomes so overwhelming, that you’re in the position where if you don’t tell anybody, your thoughts may take you to places even darker than where you currently are, so I took the leap and it paid off, to an extent. Speaking to my friends about what I was going through, almost opened my eyes to the severity of how I felt. I explained that I was feeling the way I was, and immedia...

It’s very seldom when anxiety strikes alone. With many mental illnesses, they never usually strike alone, there’s always something equally, if not more, intrusive that you have to deal with simultaneously. For me, anxieties sidekick; depression made an appearance, and stayed for quite some time. Too much time in fact. Here is how it all went… Many ask “does anxiety cause depression? or does depression cause anxiety?” I’m afraid I cannot give the answer to that question. Experiences vary from person to person, and each story is different. For me, the depression stemmed from the anxiety. The constant daily struggles with anxiety; the constant battle with worry and fear, the late nights, the early mornings, the pressures from school, the pressures in my home life, the pressures in my love life, all began to push me downhill, into this vicious cycle of depression.  It’s frustrating, because I can’t actually tell you when I first noticed my depression, it just began to slo...