Believer


The last I wrote, I said I was stopping my blog, and not writing anymore. That seemed to be a good idea at the time, but as the days went on, I realised I’d stopped doing the one thing that truly helped - writing. I write to heal, and to help. Without it, I’d say I was lost, but that doesn’t quite touch the surface of how I truly feel when I’m not writing. 


Lockdown really hasn’t been easy. In the first instance I thought I could definitely do this, yet, lockdown 3 has proved otherwise. You know, you can really have your shit together one minute, and be broken to your core the next. 


Lately, I’ve experienced emotions heavier than I usually would, probably because I’ve had far more time to ponder around my mind, and become consumed by my intrusive thoughts. The betrayal of your own mind going against you is indescribable. What part of sabotaging yourself makes sense? What part of ruining your own life is logical?


I guess it’s a question you must ask yourself in times like these, because self-sabotage doesn’t make sense, and isn’t logical in the slightest. 


I questioned whether writing, and posting would be a good idea. I wanted to leave my blog in the past, as a memory of how far I’d come, but the reality is, I’ve not come as far as I thought, I still maintain a relatively negative mindset, given the circumstances, I can’t blame myself for not being able to grow mentally, not just yet anyway. 


I like sharing how I feel. I like bringing awareness to the ‘taboo’ subject that is mental health. The stigma surrounding it is still completely untrue, and frankly ignorant. The severity of mental illness is incredibly high, and affects many people, most of which are still suffering in silence, feeling alone and hopeless in their thoughts and their outlook on life. 


Stigma won’t break itself, but talking will. Talking more, raising more awareness, allowing people to share their story will, eventually, minimise the overwhelming stigma surrounding such a normal thing in today’s society. Because ultimately, it is normal, mental illness can, and likely will, affect everybody in their lives at some point, so why keep it such a secret? Be the voice that helps other people get heard. Be the voice that opens eyes to this. Be the voice that speaks honesty, and reality for many. 


If you’re reading this and are suffering with any kind of illness, or the pressure of lockdown, the lack of end in sight. Whatever you’re feeling right now, you’re valid in feeling so. Life is messy, there’s ups and downs, right now, many of us are experiencing the downs. Better days are awaiting us, I don’t quite know when, or how soon, but they’re coming, that I can be certain of. Something I live by in my dark times is this - in order to appreciate the good in life, you must endure the bad. You’ve got everything it takes to get to where you dream of being, whether that be career, mental health, love-life - you have what it takes to do anything. You want to know the key? 


Believing in yourself. 


Believing that you are stronger than you seem.


Wiser than you think. 


More capable than you know. 


More powerful than you feel. 


They key is belief. 


If you believe it, you can do it. 


That, I promise. 

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