Perfectly Flawed

I’ve touched on this subject on numerous occasions on this blog alone, let alone to my friends and family, but it’s something that really meant the world to me, and it will forever be one of my most significant lessons: my first love.  You all know too well that the ending wasn’t quite the fairytale ending we all picture from these love stories we see portrayed in movies (Disclaimer; they’re all bullshit, happy endings are rare). For me, and for many people who were hurt by the person they loved, they tend to make that person out to be the bad one, they don’t take responsibility and by no means take accountability for their actions. Instead, they displace their actions onto the other person, and justify these as an ‘excuse’ for the way that person treated them. Sometimes it’s important to realise that you’re also the toxic one in the relationship. It’s vital to take responsibility for your actions that weren’t right, or take accountability for the wrong you did, as well as the...

This is a strange time for us all. We’re restricted to our homes, we’re having to FaceTime our loved ones, and barely any of us have a fixed sleeping pattern, let alone a ‘routine’. It feels as though the world has come to a halt. It’s been harder than it seems to utilise all of the time we now have on our hands. For many, they've had the opportunity to spend more time with their kids, to focus more on the simple things in life, and to appreciate what we usually take for granted. For some, it’s been constant worry, constant panic and fear of what is yet to come. For me, it’s been the perfect opportunity to reflect and to make changes, but most importantly, to look back and remind myself of how far I have come, and what better way to do that, than dedicate a letter to myself, a letter of advice; Reassurance in fact.  Dear Me,  You left him over six months ago. He never chased you then, and he certainly isn’t going to chase you now. You sit and wonder what you did so w...

Before I get into the post, apologies for being ‘MIA’, sometimes it can be hard to find motivation, occasionally the world gets a bit heavy and we need some time to rejuvenate and start all over again, but I am back to writing about my unapologetically flawed life, and this one is a bit of a lesson I am still learning, so bare with me. *breathe* I started this blog as I mean to go on, being honest. With that being said, it’s only fair to admit that sometimes it can be very difficult to practise what I preach. Recently, there’s been a whole lot of self reflection going on; past love, past mistakes, past friends, current friends, current mistakes, my appearance, my future and a bunch of other (non-relevant) things. Throughout the reflection, the one thing that’s become apparent is the fact I’ve lost touch with who I am right now.  Losing touch with yourself doesn't go to say you’ve ‘lost yourself’, it’s just that sometimes we lose our bearings and it takes a bit of change an...

Healing is within us all, no matter how hard it may be at the time, it’s possible and rewarding. Looking back, are there things that I would have done differently? Yes, but if I did, my story wouldn't have been quite the same as it is today.  This post is rather different to the rest. For a while, I’ve explored different ways of expressing how I feel, and through these different ways, I found poetry. To me, poetry isn't quite about forcing out a 20 line piece of writing with multiple stanzas and constant rhyming throughout. Poetry to me is a very artistic way to express how one feels. Poetry captures a piece of the authors heart and soul on a single sheet of paper. Below is something I recently wrote in reflection of my past love. I’ve titled it ‘Loving and Losing’ as it perfectly illustrates the time I fell in love, right through to this current moment where I’m moving on and loving who I am. The road wasn't easy, it was full of toxicity, manipulation and greed, but m...

To those of you still keeping up with my perfectly flawed life, thank you, I'm grateful to you for taking the time out of your day to read what I have to say. I’m grateful that my writing touches people the way it does, and I am beyond thankful to the support I’ve received from doing something I’m so beyond passionate about. Speaking of being passionate, and grateful, I decided that now is the perfect time to write this post about being gay, coming out, and all of the stigma associated with it.  I think we can agree that being anything beyond straight is socially acceptable to the vast majority of us, it is something that has become normality and people have accepted the fact that we aren't all born on the earth to be heterosexuals…thankfully. Although, despite it being socially acceptable, it’s not entirely culturally acceptable, for many, peoples cultures and religions prevent them from being who they are, some cultures encourage homosexuality to be portrayed as a sinful...

The world around us is becoming more and more obsessive over having this picture perfect life, our distorted versions of a perfect reality are being broadcasted for everybody to see. It’s hard to keep up with the growing demands of this society and fitting in just enough to stand out, yet stay ‘normal’ at the same time. A big part of staying ‘normal’ is pretending as though you have your shit together, when in reality, the world beneath you is falling apart. The hardest part about living in the society that we do, is that judgement is at its peak, criticism is everywhere, and stigma is ruling our conscience. How can we fit into a world where everything is a facade of the dark reality we are all living?  For a few years, I have experienced how it feels to live with mental health issues, and how crippling it can be for your physical health and your mind. The peak of my poor mental health was during my A-levels. Not only was there such pressure to achieve the best, but my persona...

When you look in the mirror, do you like what you see? Do you love the person staring back at you? For the most part, the only thing staring back at you, are your flaws, the scars on your body you wish you never had to look at. You gaze at your reflection and ask yourself “who on earth will love me, if I can’t even love me?”. You say to yourself that you'd be more beautiful if you were skinnier, more curvaceous, taller, smaller, more tanned, more pale, had cheekbones, had no cheekbones. You convince yourself that what you are is not good enough, your reflection is gazing back at you, longing to be loved, longing to be appreciated. You ask yourself “why can’t I be beautiful, why can’t I love what I see?” Insecurity affects us all at some point in our lives. Whether it be a small thing that you can hardly notice, or something huge that you fixate on constantly, there will be imperfections that you find so difficult to admire. You feel this constant anxiety of fearing that other ...