F**k Stigma!

To those of you still keeping up with my perfectly flawed life, thank you, I'm grateful to you for taking the time out of your day to read what I have to say. I’m grateful that my writing touches people the way it does, and I am beyond thankful to the support I’ve received from doing something I’m so beyond passionate about. Speaking of being passionate, and grateful, I decided that now is the perfect time to write this post about being gay, coming out, and all of the stigma associated with it. 

I think we can agree that being anything beyond straight is socially acceptable to the vast majority of us, it is something that has become normality and people have accepted the fact that we aren't all born on the earth to be heterosexuals…thankfully. Although, despite it being socially acceptable, it’s not entirely culturally acceptable, for many, peoples cultures and religions prevent them from being who they are, some cultures encourage homosexuality to be portrayed as a sinful act. Yet, without getting too philosophical, the point is, there are people in the 21st century who are still hiding who they are, whether that be due to their family, their religion, their culture, their pride, or fear, people aren't able to live in the life they want to, and this is the problem. 

As mentioned in my previous post, I came out in early 2017. The time leading up to coming out to everybody was anxiety ridden, and nerve wracking at its peak. The fear of the unexpected was the worst, I would constantly question how people would feel, what they would think, whether they would see me differently, whether my friends would be supportive, against it, there was just so many questions, every possible scenario was playing in my head, it was overwhelming to say the least. I was especially nervous for the reaction from my family, they were the ones I was afraid of disappointing. 

I initially came out to my closest friend at the time, Emily, and I mention her because the way she made me feel was beyond what I had expected. Coming out to somebody is difficult when you've been hiding it for so long, it’s almost as if you're revealing this entirely new person, hoping the world will love and accept them the way you do. Being the first person I had told, Emily was incredibly supportive, she had not seen me for my sexuality, she had seen me for me, and accepted me for me, not what I was, but for WHO I was. Coming out to somebody for the first time, and having such an overwhelmingly positive, and proud response was enlightening and comforting, and it made me so much more confident in who I was, and gave me the courage to tell more people. 

After I had told a handful of people, I knew it was time to tell my family, they're the ones whose response mattered most to me. Telling them was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulder, it’s as if I was no longer a secret, I no longer had to pretend liking girls or wanting to have children, I was able to love boys freely, and openly. The response from my family, was just as supportive and accepting as my friends, it was the most fulfilling moment in my life. As time went on, I was living with a bit more relief, I was glad my friends and family had known who I was and had accepted him in the most loving and caring way, it was the perfect circumstance for a gay person coming out. Although, I still wasn't entirely who I wanted to be, my friends and family had known, but the world didn’t, I felt as though I was still hiding from it, still hiding behind this facade because I didn't want the world to see me just yet, I wanted to stay hidden for a little longer, until I was ready. But how will I know when I’d be ready?…You don’t.

There’s never a right time, or right place to come out. No matter how long you spend hiding, hoping that one day you will feel ready, you wont. If you feel as though you're waiting to come out, but not yet ready, then that’s your sign that maybe you are ready, the best time to come out, is the time when you fear the most, when it gets to a point where you're overwhelmed with fear and anxiety about what the world and society will think of you, that is the perfect time to say “fuck stigma, I am who I am, I love who I am, and whether society likes it or not, I’m going to live the life I want and deserve, in the body I want to live in”. 

Nothing in this world feels more liberating than being able to live as the person you are meant to be, in the body you are meant to be in. Fear holds back many of us, and keeps us from doing the things we love, that’s relatively normal. However, when fear holds you back from being who YOU are, that’s when you have to jump. You have to brace yourself, grab that courage and be whoever it is you want to be. You have every right to feel comfortable in the body you live in, whether that means being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, asexual, non-binary, or anything/anyone beyond that. You are beautiful no matter what people see, no matter who you love, no matter what you wear, how you dress, how you talk, how you look, how you portray yourself. The most beautiful thing about living in a society we do, is that, with the right support, and enough self love, you can be whoever the fuck you want to be, and you can love whoever the fuck you want to love. 

There comes a point where you shouldn't let this fear hold you back, I never let it hold me back, I used to care so much about how people would see me when coming out, whether I’d be supported or not. But, you never know until you do it, everybody has different circumstances, different fears, different reasons, but if you cannot live the life you want to, you need to look around and have a reality check. We are all different, we are all unique, we are all individuals, with different plans, different beliefs, different ideas of life, and that is what makes us such a beautiful society. It is time to embrace your difference, embrace who you are, regardless of what people may think or feel about it. It is your life, you are the one with the power to live it however you want to. So, if you're reading this and you relate, if you're hiding who you are, for whatever reason, now is the time to take the risk and scream to the top of your lungs, “FUCK STIGMA!”.