Experiment on Me

Firstly, I want to credit Halsey for the inspiration for this title (haha).  These three words have such a strong meaning to me, typically because of my past and how I’ve been treated by certain individuals. For the most part of my experience with guys, they’ve not been particularly loveable/romantic. They’ve been the kind to use me as some type of experiment to decipher whether they like guys or not. Whilst I’m flattered they chose me, it’s also such a degrading feeling and had huge implications on my self-esteem. 

Put yourself into the perspective of feeling like you’re being treated as though your only worth/use is for somebody to find out “am I gay?”. It’s not, “oh let me love him, let me show him I care about him”. Instead, it’s “let me take advantage of his sexuality to find out if I like boys or not. He will be alright, he won’t take it too personally, after all, these gay guys are notorious for being slutty anyway aren’t they? Plus, I’m straight, which is an instant turn on for them.”

The answer is no, obviously. I think for many straight/confused boys, they see a lot of gay guys as somebody to go to if they’re feeling horny, or someone to go to if they’re confused about who they are. In the moment, they don’t tell the person that they wanna experiment on them, they just do it, and proceed to tell them, once they’ve received the confirmation they came for. I understand that experiencing things with the same sex is completely acceptable and respected when you’re discovering yourself. And, if there’s mutual agreement between those involved, it’s perfectly fine. What isn’t fine is leading somebody on, having them open up to you, develop some kind of feelings towards you, for you to then turn around and tell them you were just ‘curious’ or, just ‘joking’ with them. In these particular circumstances, people can be hugely ignorant towards somebodies feelings and the profound impact behaviour like this will have on that person. 

This isn’t just a hetero-homo-sexual dynamic either. This same behaviour happens with all kinds of sexualities and all kinds of people. The one mutual thing between the lot, is that the feeling of being used is soul-destroying. It immediately degrades your self-worth as a person, and makes you feel highly objectified, in all aspects. 

I respect the people who are openly communicative of their intentions and are clear in what they want from a situation, because this is vital for healthy relationships and friendships etc. And it is okay to want to try things with other sexes, as long as you both are okay with what is going to happen. It’s the ones who don’t communicate their intentions, and PURPOSELY go out of their way to use somebody for their own self-gratification or pleasure. 

It’s always important to make sure you and your partner/friend are in mutual agreement of things that are going to take place, PRIOR to the action taking place. If they’re not happy, then respect their decision and leave them be. 

There’s a difference between an experience and an EXPERIMENT. 

So, don’t experiment on me.

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